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Monday, March 8, 2010

Sinking

Pin It Sometimes I feel a little as though I'm sinking. The ocean is named Everyday, and I am beset with seaweedy tendrils of Tasks that cling to my calves and tug. My life preserver is Time, but it's pocked with nibbles and missing chunks. More often than not, I find it floating an absurd distance away, and must hasten to catch up. Sometimes I sleep when I reach it, only to awaken and find another missing piece.

As I type, I look over the top of my laptop and see a floor covered with neatly folded laundry. It's been sitting there for three days, waiting for the last load to finish being washed, dried, and folded so everything can be put away at once, instead of in fitful spurts.

Laundry doesn't end. It doesn't go away.

I have homework to do for this stinking class that I only signed up for to get a discount on software.

I have breakfast dishes to wash.

Supper to cook.

Children to chauffeur to practice and home again, home again.

Jiggity jig.

I would actually enjoy mopping my floors, since that hasn't been done in a week or maybe two...I forget.

I am adrift in a sea of "need to," hampered and held down by waves of "want to." I want to sit and wallow, for just a little while, in a book or a nap. I want to order some vegetables and plant a garden. I want to decorate my house for spring, go scout out some stories with my camera, and eat bananas foster until I puke.

I think what I really want is to need to do nothing.

A life driven by necessity is no fun. This is why yesterday Autumn and I went to see Alice in Wonderland, Tasks be hanged. Could there be any better reminder of what it is to live freely, outside of the stupor of "must" and "have to"? Alice learned a magical lesson in suspending reality, embracing her own alternative desires, and doing for herself instead of the one-hundred other people that surrounded her.

It was a good reminder, well-worth a missing chunk of Time.

Speaking of which...I have forty-five minutes before I need to leave to pick the kids up from school. (Yes...another "need to"...one I think I'd get in trouble for abandoning.) I'm thinking dishes and laundry can wait.

6 comments:

Sarah said...

Dear Lori,

Thanks for reading my mind and posting this blog for me. It saved me some of that precious time we are constantly chasing after.

*sigh*

I hear ya, sister - and I'm totally forgoing the laundry front tonight and seeing Alice!!! : )

Gerb said...

One of my kids recently asked me why I made them do jobs around the house after school when all I had to do all day was sit around and 'play' on my computer. I just smiled and today have been creating a photographic journey through what I did all day. Lots of before-and-afters. I am secretly hoping he asks again but even if he doesn't I plan to whip out my pictures and show him how 'fun' my day really is.

Don't get me wrong... I chose motherhood and life as a domestic goddess. And I knew what came with it all. But I most definitely understand your sinking feeling and that life preserver that is just beyond your reach!

Anaise said...

A. I love your analogy

B. I'm so glad when other women share their own sense of being overwhelmed--not that I want you to be overwhelmed, but it makes me feel less abnormal.

Corine said...

I am pretty sure EVERYONE can associate with this post! Work is simply NEVER DONE! Thus...it's great that you left the work behind and watched a movie with your daughter. I WISH that I had learned to do that years and years ago. I am in training as of late.

One of my favorite quotes, which helps me when I feel like I am "sinking" is this...

Oh bother… how does it go? I’ll have to paraphrase, rather than quote...

In all your life doings, take time to smile and laugh. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. -Gordon B Hinckley

Another similar saying I appreciate is this...

Enjoy life; it isn't not a dress rehearsal.

Hope you're feeling rejuvenated, Lori! ;)

Linn said...

Good gracious I loved this post! Exactly what I am thinking, yet written so much better than I ever could. I told my husband the other day that all of my interactions lately seem to only be taking from me (which is very unusual, not sure what is going on). I don't even need positive interactions at this point, I'll take a fat old zero/nothing/nada, as in sitting in a room staring at a wall. Huh, that just sounded like I need to be locked up. Not exactly what I was going for. Let's go back to how great your post was. Thanks!

Lori said...

Dear Everyone--thank you for reminding me that we are definitely all this together...it feels great to know that I'm not alone. :)

Sarah--hope you enjoyed Alice.

Gerb--can't wait to see this post. TOO FUNNY! Lawson has been making cracks lately that have echoes of the same..."what do you do all day, Mom?" "What do you think I do?" "Sit on the couch and watch t.v. Or maybe play video games."

Anaise--that's it in a nutshell--part of the reason we blog, I think. To know that we're not insane.

Corine--love the quotes; thanks :)

Linn--*laughing* What a great response. I love the wall stare...

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