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I believe that there is a Coupon Conspiracy. I believe this the same way I believe the world is round, gravity prevails, and I need oxygen and sunshine to survive.
It used to be that manufacturers made coupons in all different denominations: everything from ten cents up to a dollar. Everything over fifty cents was rare and to be prized. I remember scouring magazines and the Sunday circulars diligently each weekend and clipping everything from hot dogs to toilet paper.
It was a party in the coupon organizer when Kroger started doubling coupons up to and including fifty cents. Suddenly those wimpy little forty cent coupons were worth EIGHTY cents! Eureka! I loved going grocery shopping!
I have noticed in recent years, though, that the incidence of fifty cents and lesser coupons is lessening. Now the trend is reversing...most coupons are a whopping 55 cents, adding up to a whopping...55 cents, because nothing over fifty cents is doubled. This stinks! It's a conspiracy, I say.
I think the manufacturers and Kroger are in cahoots. They've put their heads together and cobbled together a plan...whisperwhisperwhisper...I can hear them now. "How can we look really terrific and still not have to shell out a lot of money to the customer??? I know! Let's have Double Coupons ALL THE TIME, but let's just not make hardly any coupons that they can actually redeem. BRILLIANCE!" *much hand rubbing and villainous laughter ensues*
Yep. It's a conspiracy. I also believe that red lights are a conspiracy. Once you've been caught in one, you'll be caught in the next seventeen, guaranteeing that you'll be thirty-four minutes late to your destination.
There are other conspiracies you should be alert to as well. There's a certain superstore that does have plans to take over the world with cheaply made clothing and plastic everything. Be wary, and buy American, as Grandma always said. And there's a certain fast food chain that is introducing mind control chemicals into its chicken nuggets.
It is said that Lucky Charms cereal, being magically delicious, will counteract their effects.
And now, as this is deteriorating rapidly, I am leaving you to clip more coupons.
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11 comments:
Thank Heavens! I had my trusty bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast today!
I think you are right about... everything!
I had a coupon for $1.00 off 24 cans of cat food. Figuring it was off the box of 24 cans I normally buy, I happily clipped and presented my coupon at check out. No go. It had to be 24 INDIVIDUAL cans, not 24 individual cans in a BOX. I felt like ripping the darn box open and dumping all 24 cans out on to the conveyor belt with "there-you-go,-24-INDIVIDUAL- cans-give-me-my-cotton-pickin-dollar-off" gusto, but I think they may have had me committed, so I didn't. But yes, indeedy...I smell a conspiracy.
Thanks for a fantastically funny post!
Oh I so know what you are talking about! There ARE some less than 55 cent coupons out there but they are items that I wouldn't buy because they are to darn expense! For example, Charmin toliet paper coupons are only 25 cents. Hum, even with 50 cents off it's more expensive than lets say Northern and their coupons are 50 cents to a dollar off. So why would I buy Charmin?
Here we have both Krogers and Meijers that will double up to a dollar. But they will take they 55 cent coupon and add 45 cents as the double. Funny thing is I went to a store that didn't double (Walmart)and decided never to shop there again. AND I told them that in a nice email. Still waiting for their response.....
Yes I am addicted to coupons, it's sad I know.....
my father in law can save more than he spends on any given shopping trip with his coupons ... he also will shop 3 to 4 different markets to get his weekly groceries in. I admire ANY one who clips coupons, I just do not have the time or patience.
I shop at Ralphs, where I have a member card and get member prices. ten items for $10 is a good buy for things I actually USE. AND 3 times a year they give me money back, and more coupons geared towards the purchases on my account. other than those coupons, I don't ever use any.
maybe if they gave frequent flyer miles away with my purchases ... oh wait! they already do ;0)
How about all those coupons that are worth more than $1, but you have to buy like 5 boxes of cereal or 2 tubs of smart balance to take advantage of them? How about the fact that when I buy one yogurt, I get a coupon good on 3 or more yogurts, and when I buy 5 yogurts, I suddenly get coupons printed out at that moment that require me to buy 7 or more yogurts!? Conspiracy? You bet your sweet bippy, lady!
Oh, and P.S. What about the fast food place that has all kinds of coffee now, but NO decaf? Then it wouldn't be addictive, now would it. And they are only charging $1 for drinks? That's to keep everyone on the addict-train, I tell you. Diabolical!
This is exactly why I make all my own clothes, grow my own food, and use lambs-ear instead of toilet paper; it just makes the world a happier - and simpler - place.
Nat, Bonnie, Leslie....all I can say is...arrr. I'm so glad yall get it, and didn't just shake your heads when you read this and think "whoa...she's off the reservation today."
Diane--I need a Ralphs. Sams Club is just not the same.
Jason--LAUGHING!!! The lambs' ears totally ears got me. Nobody will be listening in on that conversation. ;)
No coupons for me . . . used to do it . . . but now I just won't!
Besides there just aren't coupons good for $.50 off fresh carrots or $.45 off raw honey!
I'm lazy. I don't do coupons. Did I mention I was lazy?
But I'm sorry for those that do and are being taken advantage of. It's not right.
But it does make me feel better about being lazy. And believe me, I could use it.
And while we're talking coupon conspiracy.... Why is it that manufacturers write on their coupons that they cannot be doubled? Manufacturers only pay the face value of the coupon. The doubling is a store promotion. So why do the manufacturers care? Conspiracy I tell ya, conspiracy.
Anaise--I'm actually TRYING to get better about eating more whole, unprocessing foods...hence the...ahem...homemade....cake batter...ice cream. :)
Linn--I'm pretty Lazy myself. (Didja see that capital L?) I'm famous for clipping the coupons and then forgetting them.
Amy--I just had to check out your blog, both because I had often wondered that same salient point myself, you brilliant girl, and because I love your title. And I loved reading about how you derived it. Your blog is cute, and I hope that your visitors soon number in the million-bagillions. ;)
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