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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Flickage of the Chickage

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“‘...chick flick,’ chirrupy and upbeat, sings a different tune, more defiant and ironic, postmodern and post-feminist, like the growling braggadocio of ‘grrrl power.’ Where ‘grrrl power’ says, “I can be cute and assertive too.” ‘Chick flick’ says: “I’m emancipated but it’s OK to long for romance, to get hung up on a guy, to obsess about mothers or children…”

~ Film critic, Molly Haskell


I slipped down to the basement for a moment of reprieve. My friends’ home cinema was awaiting me…complete with digital surround sound and high-definition picture. I turned off the lights and ignited the projector. I looked at the DVD player and saw the video already waiting in the carriage.

Mama Mia.

I gazed silently at the disk for several moments as my friends’ youngest came downstairs. Mama Mia? I love that movie!”

“Is it any good?” I asked.

“It’s all ABBA songs,” was the reply with a grin. “It’s awesome!”

I shrugged. ABBA was okay. I slipped the disk into the player, and the movie came to life on the eight-foot screen before me. I flopped onto the reclining couch.

I made it all of 3 minutes.

It felt like I was being guided into the vestibule of torture. I pretended that I needed to use the restroom, but instead slipped from the basement and hightailed it upstairs—volunteering to make the pizza run for dinner.

I was free. I had escaped the clutches of the dreaded ‘chick flick.’ I breathed in the fresh open air of Hurricane and made the pizza run, while “Sweetness” by Jimmy Eat World thundered in my ears.

It was some time later last night that I found myself again in the home cinema, alone. I perused the selection of movies filling the shelves: Twilight, What a Girl Wants, 27 Dresses, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Perfect Man…the list went on and on. Lines from these movies, like useless confetti thrown out in the parade of nothingness, ran through my mind—those cheesy lines I’d heard girls repeat to each other while on group outings with friends, and those I’d heard yelled out as suggestions while working at ComedySportz .

I think I threw up a little bit in my mouth just then.

What I needed was power. An adrenaline-thrill ride complete with explosions, wanton violence, and car chases—as well as snappy lines delivered at the moment of death. I needed something which was not only visually spectacular, but riddled with adrenaline. In short: pure, unadulterated testosterone.

My eyes fell on a bluish-colored case: X-Men III

Mutants? Check.
Amazing powers? Check.
Explosions? Check.
Violence? Check.
Fight scenes? Check.
Nonstop action? Check.
Spectacular visual effects? Check.
Totally hot female lead? Check.
Pure Awesomeness? Check.

I put the DVD into the player, and then settled down and prepared myself to be nestled in the warm security of a good old-fashioned thrill ride.

I was not disappointed.

15 comments:

Rachel said...

You are so full of crap! Favorite movies: "Sleepless in Seattle".........

I say no more. :)

Teachinfourth said...

Because of that line...

mywest said...

I use what you call a good old-fashioned thrill ride experience when I need to escape reality....

Yet on good days I still love a chick flick because of where it takes my mind and the memories it brings back..........

Lars said...

I'm not sure what is more funny, this post or the banter in the comments between Rachel calling you out.

I had to pause reading this post just to put JEW on and get the full effect. As usual your post left me chuckling and satisfied, nice work.

shoezimm said...

I'm with you on "Mama Mia"...honestly I couldn't stand it either and I tend to LIKE musicals. Nothing beats a good action flick at the end of a long day!

Richard & Natalie said...

You get him, Rachel!
Double laughs today; 1st from the post, 2nd from the comments.

PS- You were smart to leave within the first 3 minutes of "Mama Mia"- it doesn't get any better. That was one flick this even this chick couldn't bear.

A Lark said...

I totally agree with Rachel - don't make me name some of the "chick flick" movies I happen to know that you like.....Just Like Heaven....need I say more?

Teachinfourth said...

Dad - There are a few movies which could probably work out in a pinch...provided they have enough action or humor in them.

L - Rachel must be delusional...

S - Amen!

N - So it's simply terrible? That's a relief.

J - Say what? It has a great title song...death...

Gerb said...

When you get home, I'm pretty sure You've Got Mail. (cough)

Teachinfourth said...

Tom Hanks...totally a classic actor. THAT movie is okay. It's all about New York as well. Besides, he is awesome.

There.is.a.difference.

Just SO said...

Just watched You've Got Mail last night. That is one show that if it's on tv (because we don't own it) I will stop flipping the channels and just watch.

To be honest most of the movies that line our video library are of the animated sort. But we do own all of the LOTR series, all the Pirates and Harry Potter as well and a couple of scary ones. But as I think about it not so much of the action/adventure...

Gerb said...

T5th- I'll give you that.

Sarah said...

The x-men series is one of my favorites! I can only watch "chick-flicks" with chicks otherwise, I get all cynical and start making fun of people. I

Great post!! (and comments afterwards)

Rachel said...

Yeah, I'm delusional because I believe in music... The way that some people believe in fairy tales......

Farscaper said...

Have you seen Jumper?

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