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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sock Wiping

Pin It I am a sock-wiper by nature.

If a napkin is not readily accessible, I have discovered that one’s socks will do the task reasonably well. It’s like I’m continually carrying around two handkerchiefs endowed with the power for this special use whenever I find myself in dire need; wherever I go, there are my trusty finger-wipers, ready and waiting at my on-the-spot disposal.

I discovered the secret use of these multipurpose little fabric clothing portions when I was about seven years old. Of course, my finger-wiping exploits didn’t start out quite so successfully…after all, wiping greasy or muddy fingers on the front of one’s shirt or pants was nearly always bound to get noticed by a mother’s watchful eyes—and undoubtedly, lectures or yelling would inevitably ensue; however, if one were to utilize these little out of sight foot devices, it was nearly always bound to go unseen.

Ninja-like, really.

Make that, stealth ninja-like.

In fact, it wasn’t all that long ago that my skills at sock-wiping came into a practical application. You see, I had been invited to a dinner gathering, and for some reason, the hostess did not provide some of the guests with the much-needed wiping paraphernalia; however, I had my two trusty napkins right along with me, and any finger-wiping which needed to be done was completed with surreptitiousness—after all, I had refined this subtle art through years of masterful practice.

So while the other guests were forced to complain or simply do without, I, with my masterful ways, was victorious—as well as clean-fingered.

Ah, sock-wipeage.

In speaking in regards of this topic, it brings to mind a conversation of Harry Potter and Professor Albus Dumbledore from, “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” Harry and Dumbledore are alone in a deserted room at Hogwarts, it is the dead of night and they are deep in conversation on the topic of the Mirror of Erised, the mirror which shows the looker the deepest, most desperate yearnings of his heart…

“Sir - Professor Dumbledore? Can I ask you something?”

“Obviously, you’ve just done so,” Dumbledore smiled. “You may ask me one more thing, however.”


“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”


“I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks.”


Harry stared.


“One can never have enough socks,” said Dumbledore. “Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”


It would appear that Professor Dumbledore had a distinctive awareness of the covert and delicate skill of sock-wiping as well, and this would make sense. And if it's good enough for Dumbledore, the world's most powerful wizard...it's good enough for me.

13 comments:

Rachel said...

Snot! When you have a ton of snot nosed Natives running around tissue starts to make the nose rather red and raw thus the Natives make their mum's nerves red and raw. Enter socks! Great for wiping little snozzes and in this house........there is always one..or two..or....you get the idea readily available as the floors seem to be covered in them.

Richard & Natalie said...

You crack me up! But you know what? I might actually support this idea. I'm going to pass this little tid bit on to my 5 yr old; socks are much easier to bleach than colored t-shirts.

mywest said...

I never knew you were so cleaver!! What did you do when wearing white socks?

Lars said...

I am speechless. That is quite creative. I am now thinking of all the things that one could wipe on a sock, not sure I want to think of all that, but I am. Kudos to you my friend for such a brilliant idea that you have refined over the years.

Mamma has spoken said...

Sorry, all I can think is gross....

Teachinfourth said...

Rachel - Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, you know?

Natalie - Truer words were never spoken; well, maybe there were, but then it wouldn't sound nearly so impressive. I say, share the secret while he is young and allow him to master its ways.

Dad - Nobody has ever questioned what those strange marks were...it was probably just chalked up to the usual wear and tear that socks often get.

Lars - Really it is limitless, however, I would probably be careful that you don't wipe anything too disgusting on them.

Bonnie - Better than sticky fingers...

Mamma has spoken said...

In the south, we lick our sticky fingers. You know, "finger licken good"

Kathy V said...

I'm with you, Teach. When you gotta wipe your hands off, you don't ever want to do it on outer clothing.

Corine said...

LOL - What talent you have! :D

Teachinfourth said...

Bonnie - I guess it's all about where one lives, isn't it?

Kathy - Amen.

Corine - It comes from years of study and skill.

Gerb said...

Just when you think you know a person...

Okay, I'll admit it. I have sock-wiped on occasion as well. Yes, I am a closet sock-wiper.

SO said...

I'm going to have to try this ninja like method the next time I am in need of a handi-wipe.

Sarah said...

Um...I have to admit. When I first read this, I read it as sock-SWIPING.

Wow, much better when read correctly...

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