Fashion Faux-pants

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In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.

Conan O'Brien

Ok, so I really hate that it’s come to this. I mean really never thought that I’d get to the point where I was such a cranky old lady that I had to complain about what those crazy kids are wearing these days. I was born around the time of Woodstock for heaven’s sake. I was a kid in fashion challenged 70’s and came of age in the 80’s (Madonna, Boy George, Flock of Seagulls?) So, I really, really hate that I’m about to do this…but what is UP with the pants these days?

I mean I guess I understood the really baggy pants that were the thing to wear a few years ago. I can’t say they were the most flattering thing I ever saw, and I did see way too much of the various choices between boxers or briefs. But I could kind of get behind the comfort factor I guess.

Then certain kid crowds started leaning towards the really really tight pants. Now, as I said, I was a kid in the 70’s so I can’t really say too much about tight pants (think Shaun Cassidy). Plus I understand the teenage tendency to rebel against trends in a completely opposite direction (which is why hair mousse was invented in the 80’s right?). These days the tight-pant style is a little different – tight all the way down to the ankle. But you really have to have some nice legs to pull this one off without looking like a couple of pretzels stuffed in a marshmallow. I’ve only seen it almost work a couple of times and that was on T.V with a professional stylist involved. But since the invention of stretch denim I can even see how this style would be…understandable.

But lately I’ve been seeing the most ridiculous….I guess you can call them pants that even I could ever imagine. Boys seem to be the fashion victims here again as far as I can tell and they seem to be attempting a sort of fusion of baggy and tight at the same time. These pants start out tight at the ankles then around the knees they kind of bag out so the back pockets hang down below the butt like they do on baggy pants. In fact it looks like someone wearing skinny jeans has actually stepped into a denim sack with holes cut out for the legs. Then there appears to be a whole other waist band that rises up past the around-the-butt-waistband and may even involve some suspenders if I’m not mistaken. It reminds me very much the Penguin Dance in “Mary Poppins.” You know, when Burt pulls his pants down so he looks more like the penguins when they’re tap-dancing? I can’t imagine this is what they were going for. Problem is, I can’t really see what they’re going for here. And worst of all I can’t decide if I’m proud to say or sad to say that I just don’t get it.

There is one bright spot I suppose in this whole fashion disaster - with the whole double waistband and suspender thing – at least I’m back to guessing about boxers or briefs.