There are a thousand things I should be doing tonight. I think of them all as the wind howls and mutters relentlessly outside my house. I can hear it like the lonely souls of those long-gone moaning from the darkness beyond the street lamps.
The rain continues to drizzle from a torrential sky as I sit here on the couch with my laptop striking the keys, their rhythmic beats sounding out a cadence of thought.
I have been thinking a lot lately about contentment; I have also been thinking of how I have not been allowing myself to feel so, either. I remembered someone once telling me long ago to, “be grateful for what you’ve got,” and I realized that I hadn’t been. I had – more often than not - found myself looking at so-and-so or what’s-their-face and all that they seemingly had…you know, their this, their that, or their other, and wondering just why that wasn’t me. I saw myself noticing all of those things – all that I felt I so rightly deserved in life, and wondered why I wasn’t in the same position that they were…
In reality, life seemed pretty cruel sometimes.
I was walking through the hallway at school recently and another teacher said, “You don’t seem to smile as much as you used to.”
I think this teacher was right.
I then realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel a sense of accomplishment, success, and contentment for that which I do have. It was then that I recognized that I needed to do better.
I really do.
I need to take the time to notice those things that I do have. Those things I am capable of, those things I do do really well. All of those things in life for which I should be grateful…
I sit here on the couch typing as the wind blows outside my windows; it whispers in the night as the strains of David Tolk sift through my living room. I ready to switch off my computer, go to bed, and awaken to a new day, a day for which I will strive to feel contentment.
"The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment."