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Thursday, October 7, 2010

It's All About Me

Pin It A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin

I mentioned awhile back that Superdude has a girlfriend. Well, as is wont to happen with LDS young men having recently returned from missionary service, the girlfriend has now progressed to fiancée and the big day is actually approaching pretty fast – less than a month away at this point.

I have to admit to a range of emotions surrounding the nuptials of my first-born son – most of which I’m probably not going to blog about. It’s honestly not about The Fiancée and no girl being good enough for my little boy. She is a lovely girl and actually probably a bit too good for Superdude (sorry son, but it’s true). I hope that Superdude can step up and be a good husband and, of course I want the Fiancée to be a good wife. I guess it boils down to that I hope that they know what they’re doing…even though I know they don’t. I hope they’ve thought about what they’re committing to…even though I know that they can’t really conceive of it yet. In short I really hope they’ll have enough love, enough sense, enough commitment and enough luck to live happily ever after.

But enough about them, let’s talk about me.

I have a friend whose son (the same age as Superdude) got married just a couple of months ago. She advised me that the job of the Mother -of -the-Groom is to wear beige, sit in the corner and keep her mouth shut. I had to laugh because, while things aren’t that extreme, it is kind of true. I find that I’m having a hard time knowing exactly how to behave as the MOTG. I have organized a lot of parties, events and yes, even a few weddings in my day, but even though this is the wedding of my very own first-born child, as the MOTG it isn’t my party to organize - and that’s fine really. I honestly don’t have strong feelings about “the perfect wedding” for my boy. With the exception of what color dress I’m expected to wear, I’m fine with the Bride-side doing whatever they want to do. But the flip side of laying low is that one is in danger of coming across as apathetic. How does one portray an adequate amount of interest in the details of a wedding while simultaneously expressing no discernable opinion?

Fortunately the Fiancée took pity on me and has let me help with the flowers. Because it’s a fall wedding the Fiancée wants to do something with sunflowers. A nice choice I think, but also a little tricky. Real sunflowers can be kind of big for a boutonnière or a bouquet and the smaller version, while abundant and beautiful tend to be rather delicate and droopy. And wedding flowers have a lot of work to do. They have to be stalwart little soldiers for that long day of photos and handshakes and hugs. Silk flowers are an option of course, but they’ve always seemed a little more at home to me in the lobby of a hotel than in a bridal bouquet.

So what to do?

Research on the Internet of course. As you might imagine there are TONS of wedding websites with advice on everything from cakes to catering. I looked at dozens and dozens wedding flower photos and came across some sites with some really beautiful handmade fabric flowers.

Flowers out of fabric…I can do that.

Well, eventually I could do that. It took me a while and several prototypes before I managed some that I was actually happy with. You know that poem that says…

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

I wasn’t attempting a full tree, but I have a much healthier respect for a Heavenly Father that can make something as amazing as a rose. I only managed it after several mistakes with floral wire and a good deal of hot glue. But once I got the hang of it I spent several enjoyable hours creating a variety of flowers – I can see why God made so many different kinds – it’s pretty fun seeing how they’re going to turn out. And luckily the Fiancée was happy with them too.

I am very happy to have a wedding prep project – a way to help with the wedding while hopefully still managing to remain in the beige MOTG corner with my mouth shut. Actually, I am doubly grateful for the floral project because it is helping somewhat to take my mind of what is sure to be just a super-comfortable day hanging out with my ex-husband, his wife and kids, my ex-in-laws, my ex-husband’s new wife’s parents and my own parents who haven’t spoken to each other in at least 30 years.

And on top of all that – what on earth am I going to wear?

Like I said, let's talk about me.


Kalei's Best Friend said...

I had no idea MOTG is suppose to be the quiet church mouse. lol.... Mine didn't stop talking at all... This may sound harsh, but even after she had her stroke after we had kids, she still managed to keep talking... By then, all of us knew her quirks and just let her blather on... Its a shame there is that characteristic of the MOTG... What about the MOTB?? they can be just as obnoxious trying to live through their daughter and wanting the wedding they may never had have...right? As I say, there are always exceptions to the rule.

Anonymous said...

our family says MOTG needs to show up, shut up and wear beige.

Gerb said...

My mother-in-law was AWESOME when it came to helping with our wedding plans. I loved having her there every step of the way! She helped make bridesmaids dresses, our cake, arranged for the flowers and the after-wedding luncheon. I never told my mom, MIL or anyone else what to wear, either. Maybe I'm old fashioned? But I loved having as much input and help as others were willing to give.

Good luck with the upcoming wedding & reception!

Teachinfourth said...

Just sit back and let someone else be in charge of the magic…


Anaise said...

Even though this post was all about you, I was struck in particular about how you hope they know what they're doing because you do know.

I think one of the loveliest things about a newly married young couple is that they haven't the faintest idea what they have done--that's why they can be brave enough to do it.

I didn't have a clue when I got married; the clues have come along the way--line upon line, precept upon precept. And my marriage is one of the truly great joys of my life.

Best wishes to you all--including enduring the day of too many relatives too close together!

karen said...

I've never been the MOTG so I didn't wear beige and sit in the corner. But, I DO have a beige dress that I could wear if you would like to swap places for a day!
I think I've known since they were about 14 that ladybug and superdude would make it official. I warned them way back then that things happen in the grass! (inside joke check with the kids...)

Mel said...

Hey Karen,
I'm right there with you sister....let's BOTH wear beige and sit in the corner...maybe play a little poker or something wadda-ya-think?
I'm really glad that you're feeling good about "Ladybug" (cute) and Superdude...I know I just worry too much about...well...everything. How about if I lean on your certainty until I can find some of my own?
It was good to see you the other night.

lexi crandall said...

I sure love this blog entry. I had no idea the stress of super dude's wedding!!! You are one brave MOTG in beige. :D

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